


Tears, Love & Friends

by ChronusCapricius



Series: Poetry Collections [1]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Feelings, Other, Poem Collection, Poetry, vent - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-19
Updated: 2020-11-18
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:00:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 3,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25375042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChronusCapricius/pseuds/ChronusCapricius
Summary: Out of her misery, I was born. For what purpose and for who, I was not sure yet. But one thing I knew was that my tragedy was already molded by the hands of the woman I call mother.A collection of poems + Bonus short story
Series: Poetry Collections [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1837597
Kudos: 1





	1. Graduation Day

On Graduation day, you were smiling   
Your face was shimmering with hope   
After everything was over, you were crying   
Your hands were holding an envelope   
  
I pretended not to watch you,    
But deep down I felt my heart sink   
On this happy day you were blue   
Tears flowing down as you blink   
  
I look back at the memory and curse   
I should have gone up there and talk   
But I was a coward and made it worse   
So now I glare at the damned clock   
  
My mom asked me that day,    
"Did you enjoy high school?"   
I didn't answer, but I did pray   
Pray that you forgive this fool   
  
Here I am now, writing this poem   
Regretting not taking action that time   
I wish this poem was filled with roses   
But instead is a confession of a crime   
  
I should have not drifted away   
I should have stayed by your side   
Everything without you is grey   
I think I have already died   
  
On graduation day, you were lying   
Your face was cowering in fear   
I wonder if you thought of dying   
Please don't give up, my dear


	2. If I Scream Loud Enough

If I scream loud enough,   
Will you be able to hear me?   
If I reach out my hand to you,   
Will you hold it and kiss it?   
  
A lot of things   
I wanted to ask   
A lot of songs   
I wanted to show   
  
Will I ever ask you   
Everything I couldn't?   
Will I ever show you   
Songs that sound like you?   
  
If I scream loud enough,   
Will my voice reach you?   
If I call out your name,   
Would you look at me again?   
  
I adore your voice   
Your sparkling eyes   
When you talk   
About death   
  
Your presence to me   
Is very attractive   
And here I wait   
Like a lovefool   
  
If I scream loud enough,   
Will you be able to hear me?   
If I wait for you to come back,   
Will you actually return?   
  
If I scream loud enough...   
If I scream...   
_ Will my voice reach you? _


	3. Do You Remember?

How sweet it is to go back on your memory,

A memory I will keep engraved on me.

Yet, I should start to move on and forget you.

After all, your lingering presence hurts.

Do you remember? How we loved playing,

How you and I would run with laughter,

Not caring about the corrupted reality around.

Do you remember? Do you? Please say yes.

How nostalgic it is to look at our photos,

A photograph will last longer, right?

These photos are all I have to remember

How you used to look before you left

Do you remember? How much we loved.

How your eyes gazed at me softly at night,

And I would gaze into your piercing blue orbs.

Do you remember? Do you? I guess not.

How terrifying it is to live without you,

A feeling that consumes my soul every day.

This feeling makes me feel so weak,

Please come back and hug me like before.

Do you remember? Your last words to me.

They still burn against my skin and I cry,

Why is Death so eager to take you away?

Do you remember? Do you? Please answer.


	4. The Crow & The Mouse

Hear ye! Hear ye!

For I am about to tell you a tale

A tale about a fearless crow

And a tiny weak mouse

There once was a fearless crow

A crow with the most beautiful feathers

He wasn’t afraid of anything, I tell ya!

Not even of death itself, can you believe it?

Meanwhile the tiny weak mouse

Was always hiding in the trash

She was afraid of many things, the coward!

But, she wouldn’t hesitate to take a bullet for you

The mouse was captivated by the crow

She squeaked in admiration and curiosity

That fearless crow had left her breathless

It was decided then that the mouse will befriend him

The tiny mouse tried to get close to the crow

And even though she was afraid of him

Nothing stopped her from trying her best

Hopefully the crow wouldn’t eat her up

Let me tell ya, that mouse is crazy nuts

The rascal actually talked to his majesty!

And it seemed like a twisted but fun friendship

Was blooming in the dark alley they lived in

And then, one unexpected day, the crow flew away

I wish I could tell you how the story ends

But it hasn’t ended just yet my friends!

The mouse is a stubborn one I must say

And now, a few words from Miss Mouse herself:

_ “Dear Crow, if by chance you are here today, hear my voice _

_ If you ever decide to never return to this alley, it’s okay _

_ I won’t force you to do something you don’t want _

_ All I want is to thank you for showing me a bit of your work!” _

_ “To be honest, I wish you could have stayed longer _

_ But I publicly apologize if I ever did you wrong _

_ You have, once again, inspire me to create a poem _

_ There are a lot of things I wanted to show you” _

_ “Please, let me see your world again someday _

_ Thank you for being alive and letting me meet you _

_ Please, let me hear your voice once more _

_ And thank you, for hearing mine, my crow friend” _


	5. Innocence

The little girl smiles whenever she sees me

I’m only allowed to see her once every full moon

Her pure white dress makes me feel nostalgic

And I laugh whenever she asks about my dirty black dress

The little girl tells me how her parents love her

That the three, soon to be four, will be happy together

I only fake a smile and nod my head as I listen

She doesn’t need to know the truth just yet

Sometimes I wonder why everything went downhill

I wonder if it was because of me that it happened

I miss the sweet times where the little girl

Wasn’t locked up in a cage for “protection”

I hate to see her trapped in that bird cage

And the little girl doesn’t suspect anything

She’s too pure, too innocent to see behind intentions

And I hate how she believes in all of my lies

But it’s necessary or otherwise I could lose her

She still doesn’t know how father will one day leave

How mother will shake her by the shoulders and shout

“Don’t you understand!? He won’t ever come back!”

The little girl still doesn’t know how it feels

When everyone around you has a father and you don’t

How they all smile and look happy together

And yours is broken and full of ghostly screams

How your mother tells your younger brother that father is dead

When you know he isn’t and instead repeat the same lie

“He’s not dead! He abandoned us”, she still doesn’t know

How mother yelled at you while your brother cried in fear

Oh, now I see! The one inside the birdcage is me

The little bird has always been free

I hate being trapped here, can someone please

Pass me the key so I can soar high and leave

I smile whenever I see the little girl

She’s only allowed to see me once every full moon

Her pure white dress makes me feel nostalgic

And I laugh whenever she asks about my dirty black dress


	6. My Zoo

I look below my small lifeboat

There’s nothing but fishes swimming

I look up to see the lion and lioness

They smile at me, but they’re faking it

We keep floating in this deep blue ocean

Everyone is cramped in the lifeboat

The snake hisses, the lion roars, I sleep

The bear hunts, the lion cries, the snake laughs

The ocean is too quiet, too tranquil

When I wake up, the lion is not there

I ask the lioness what happened

But she roars at me in anger and I cry

There are no fish swimming anymore

Everything’s too quiet, too lonely

Everyone is whispering things to each other

What are they saying? Why are they looking at me?

The snake laughs and laughs with mischief

The lioness cries and cries with pain

The bear drinks and drinks with joy

And I stare and stare at the knife in my hands

The once blue ocean is now pitch black

The lion has sent me a letter, a sign that he’s alive

There’s chains around my ankles and they burn

The only one in the lifeboat with me is the snake

Where’s everybody? Why did this happen?

I desperately try to break the chains

But they burn with such passionate hatred

I fall from my lifeboat into the cold black ocean

Everything’s cold and dark in here

I try to swim back up, but the chains pull me back

I start to drown and the only thing in my mind

Is the memory of when the lion and lioness loved each other


	7. The Silhouette of A Loved One

I remember being hugged by your warm embrace   
How you would wipe away the tears from my eyes,   
How you would cook my favorite meal when I was blue.   
I remember the day your warm embrace became cold.   
  
I still wait for you to come back and sing me a lullaby.   
I still wait for you to come back and play your piano.   
I still wait for you to come back and stop my pain.   
I still wait for you to come back.   
  
I remember how you comforted me when I lost my bunny.   
How you would tell me everything was going to be okay,   
How he would come back because if it loved me, then it would come.   
I remember how much I cried when I lost you and no one comforted me.   
  
I still feel your presence when I lay in bed.   
I still feel the pain when I look at your piano.   
I still feel your warm embrace when I feel hopeless.   
I still feel you, even though you're dead.   
  
I remember your voice soothing me to sleep.   
How you whispered sweet nothings until was asleep,   
How you said I was your precious and handsome boy.   
I remember the next day after you left, how I missed your voice.   
  
I still cry when your birthday comes.   
I still cry when I play your piano.   
I still cry when your name comes up.   
I still cry about your absence in my life.


	8. A King's Lament

I used to be a King

Loved by my family

And hated by my enemies

Now, I’m just a memory

The sin I committed

Led to my own demise

And as the moon stares

I cry my sorrows away

I used to be a King

The best ruler

My family had

Now, I am despised

Banished from my kingdom

I pay for my sins in

Solitude and silence

Regretting past crimes

I used to be a King

Respected and feared

Admired and hated

Now, I am nothing

In my times of solitude

You came to keep me company

I told you to leave

But you just smiled at me

I used to be a King

I had all the riches in

The world and power

Now, I am weak

You insisted on staying

And I couldn’t do anything

As your company prolonged

I became fond of you

I used to be a King

My Queen was my world

And I thought that was enough

Now, I only think of you

One day you didn’t come

And I grew worried

As I went out to find you

Fear started to sink in

I used to be a King

Loved by my family

And hated by my enemies

Now, I don’t care who I was

Tears fall down my face

As I held your body

With your last breath

You kissed me goodbye

I used to be a King

But now I am a human

A flower blooms in your place

Goodbye, my lovely prince


	9. Get Well Soon Card

Everytime I am trying to say I need help.

I get laughed at and told: "But you are always

Doing that stuff!" As if it's natural to do so.

That's exactly why I need help, I try to say.

Everytime I have to crawl back to my room

And silently cry into my pillow as I fall asleep.

It hurts me to hurt my inner child all the time,

But I can not stop, at least without help.

Instead, I am sent a "Get well soon" card.

As if what I have is nothing but a fever or the flue.

I know the old ones never really cared for the mind,

But fuck! Does it hurt to be human at least once?

Instead, I bottle things up even though I shouldn't.

Even if I count on the support of loved ones,

I would still feel like a fucking burden and continue

To loathe myself to the point I have headaches.

Everytime... when will it end I wonder?

No, do not worry about me leaving sooner.

I just need help instead of a card, but thanks anyway.

I'll just stay in my room and come out just to eat.

Instead, I'll continue to silently drown myself.

Maybe one day, someone will actually notice.

I hope that in the future, everytime someone says:

"Help me." That it is taken seriously and save them.

_ "Get well soon." _

_ —Your past self. _

_ P.S.: May tomorrow be a better day. _

  
  



	10. Underneath The Red Moonlight

_ I take your hand in mine _

_ Pull you close to me _

_ And dance underneath _

_ A red moon on a cold night _

_ Don't stop dancing _

_ Even if your life _

_ Depends on it darling _

_ Otherwise you'll lose _

_ I spin you around _

_ Your white dress _

_ And my own black one _

_ Intertwined like veils _

_ My red lips _

_ Your warm stare _

_ And the sound of _

_ Music in the air _

_ Honey, look at me _

_ Kiss me gently _

_ Mark me tonight _

_ And be mine _

_ The song is coming to an end _

_ Do we really have to say farewell? _

_ Baby, stay with me a little longer _

_ And I'll promise you the world _

_ Let's dance once again _

_ On that passionate _

_ Red moon that we love _

_ And never let go _

_ Because frankly, I can never _

_ Forget about a girl like you _

_ So let's meet up again _

_ And melt into each other _


	11. Sunflower

That summer afternoon when we met,

Something inside me stir up and left me confused.

I’d never thought a day would come when

A simple smile could make sunsets prettier.

It started with an “Are you a fucking idiot?”

And it stayed as “You idiot.”

I told you “Pineapple pizza is good.”

You answered “Blasphemy!”

That morning on fall after we met,

You opened up to me about your insecurities.

I listened to you as you leaned your head on my shoulder

And wiped your tears as you laughingly wiped mine.

It started with a “Don’t sleep too late!”

It stayed as “Go to sleep dumbass!”

I told you “I’m dumb as fuck.”

You answered “Same bro.”

That cold winter night on Christmas,

We exchanged gifts at your house.

The matching ugly sweater I got from you,

I still have it hanged on my closet.

It started with a “Come pick me up.”

It stayed as “I’ll pick you up, so be ready.”

I told you “Stay the night, it’s getting colder.”

You answered “Sure, but I get the bed.”

That awful spring was when she came,

I felt a pain in my chest when I saw your eyes.

I’ve never seen you wear such a soft expression,

I can’t believe I’m actually jealous of someone.

It started with a “Want to hang out?”

It ended with a “Can I bring her with me?”

I asked you “What is she to you?”

You answered “My first love.”

The summer rains just kept my mood bitter,

I no longer enjoyed it as much as I did with you.

Ah, I really hate this feeling inside me.

Am I allowed to continue being by your side?

You called me that rainy day, “Can you pick me up?”

With an umbrella at hand I said, “Where are you?”

“How long were you in that rain, idiot!?” 

“I was waiting for her, but she cancelled on me last minute.”

A bitter fall was when you learned she already had a boyfriend.

Yet, you smiled and congratulated her.

I was confused to say the least, but you told me that

it’s always been unrequited and will always stay like that.

I hugged you, “I’m right here for you.”

You hugged me back. “I know.”

“You are a wonderful person, okay?”

“Thank you, Satoshi, really.”

A lonely winter night on Christmas you came to my door,

A small gift box on your hands as you handed it and left.

I was conflicted about this as I opened the gift,

it was a Capricorn constellation keychain.

I called you, “Hey.”

You answered. “Hey.”

“It’s pretty cold out there, are you okay?”

“I am now.”

On an unexpected spring, you kissed me.

My heart almost jumped out of my chest.

I’ve never tasted something so sweet before,

So I leaned down to taste it again.

It started with an “I’m in love with you.”

It stayed as “I love you.”

I told you “Be mine.”

And you answered “Gladly.”

That summer afternoon we met,

Something inside me stir up and confused me. 

You stood amongst the sunflowers and smiled,

I’ve been drawn to you ever since then.

It started with an “Are you a fucking idiot?”

It stayed as “You idiot.”

I told you “I love you, my sunflower.”

You smiled and answered. “I love you too, my sun.”


	12. Toxic Addiction

In that serene and sleepless night,

I had my hands wrapped around your neck.

After all this time, I guess you were right.

I was nothing but a fuck up, eh? Fuck.

Your indifferent eyes stare at me

I growl before letting my hands go.

You start coughing before embracing me.

I can not resist you at all, as usual.

I do not understand us, what are we?

One moment, I want to end you myself

The next, you are all over me and I can't resist.

Listen here, you know  **_who_ ** I am, so why?

Guess you weren't kidding when you said

You wanted to die even if it was by my hands.

Should I end you? Should I not end you?

Hey, tell me, what should I do?

I do not love you nor do you love me,

So why can't I end you? Have I become dependent?

I despise you because you remind me of my mother,

But whenever our bodies unite, I feel ecstatic.

In that serene and sleepless night,

I held you in my arms as you moaned my name.

After all this time, you and I are the same, huh?

Fuck, I might have become addicted to you.


	13. My Legacy

I think about my death often.

How will I die? When will I die?

Who will weep for me? Who will laugh?

Oh gracious Death, I hope it's not painful.

I will die young, this I know.

The world is not safe, nor is my country.

I will not have kids, this I know.

I will be dead before marrying someone.

I think about my death often.

How will I die? When will I die?

What would be left after I leave?

Oh pitiful Death, give me a sign.

The only thing I have is my writing.

My ideals, my sorrow and my insecurities.

Is that all I have to offer as legacy?

How will I make a mark on this earth?

Shot at the back of the head,

Drowned in the caribbean sea,

Kidnapped and chopped up,

But not a single scar left by me.

Thus my legacy will die with me,

No one can recreate what's on my mind.

My only hope is for my treasures

To not be profane post mortem.

Strangled in an assault,

Stabbed by a loved one,

But if my cause is suicide

Then the killer was not me.

How much will I grow? Be recognized?

Before I leave, how much was accomplished?

How far did I reach before my fall?

Oh merciful Death, please guide me.

This I know, I will continue to write

Be it the next life, a loop of this one

Be it next to Lucifer or next to God

I will never let go of the pen and paper

My legacy will die with me.

I will be gone one day.

But I will never stop writing.

Not even once.

Let's meet each other again

In another life, another loop.

In the burning Hell or utopian Heaven.

Until then, let's see how far we go.


End file.
